Steve: Well, remind yourself that whenever you start getting down, feeling hurt or sad, it’s your mind talking. I call it your Monkey Mind. It causes you to have a ‘pity party’ (PP), and you feel sorry for yourself. Challenge your thinking, dispute your thoughts, and ask yourself, are they based on facts, or just your perception, your picture of what’s happening? We all look through our own lens. In some ways, we all live in our own ‘bubble’ world.
I also try to remind students that on any given day certain unexpected events will happen. How they respond, and their thinking about the event, will determine the outcome.
Here’s the formula: Event + Response = Outcome
Barney: Wow, this is heavy stuff Steve. So what final message do you have for parents, when their children are having a PP, or blaming someone else when negative events happen.
Steve: Well, first things first. Parents need to love their children unconditionally. Accept them with all their imperfections, and focus on their strengths. And when there are problems, with school, with life situations, parents need to listen, and remind their children it’s only a temporary state. Life is filled with problems, challenges along the way. Parents need to model as best they can the ability to solve problems, not over-react to situations, and stay in control. And that kind of modeling is powerful for children to see. That’s why family meetings, open communication, and solving problems together is so important.
